The Prepared Parent's Guide to Fast Comebacks

Writing and speaking have very different economics. One affords you time, the other cheats you of it. That is the trouble with comebacks. The timing of their delivery is so important. Children approaching or in the midst of their teen years, can be somewhat, shall we say “smart." What comes out of their mouths can really smart.

Comebacks are highly valued among teens. If parents have them in stock, teens are less interested in delivering “smart" answers. Parents challenged with poor timing can cope with comebacks by spending a few minutes to learn the FDIC method. FDIC is really an investment where you hope to get no return. It’s a confounding principle.

F - First, find your filler. This is the artful way of buying time to connect with your comeback by saying things like, “Oh, yeah. You don’t say. Say what? Is that so. Oh really. Uh huh." This provides you a few nanoseconds to go back through our mental files for the right comeback. Serve your filler with a look similar to the one you get from your own teen when they don’t believe you. (No matter what the topic, that look is the same.) Speed is of the essence as too long of a pause is a tip off to your panicked mental challenge. Kids have an instinctive sixth sense for panic, like dogs do, so stay cool.

D- Decide and deliver. The secret is preparation. You are banking on a series of canned messages that you have in reserve. Memorize a limited number of comebacks and stick with them. I recommend no more than three. You can change these up every once in a while. Practice them so you get smooth. Once I tried to refer to some I had recorded in a little notepad. Snappy comebacks lose something when read between glances at flipping pages.

I – Inject humor into your comeback. Keep it simple and you won’t sound stupid. Some examples might be things like, “Stupidity isn’t a crime. You’re free to go." I take a shine to “If I wanted your opinion I would have given it to you." Noting that brevity is the soul of wit, we have “Only words" or the thought provoking “New talent." Stay away from sayings like “Your mama" for obvious reasons.

C – Call it off! Don’t stand there too long. Deliver your line with “the look" again, turn on a dime with a twist of the head, and get away. If you should happen to get stuck and forget your comeback line, just get away giving only the look. Grant had to withdraw sometimes too. While you are walking it off, you can beat yourself up over the perfect comeback you just thought of, but would sound lame if you yelled over your shoulder now. Deposit it in your memory bank for next time. It will come back to you with interest.

Dealing with comebacks won’t save you 15% on your car insurance, but you can save some face. Oh, and these tips are applicable for dealing with adults too. No insurance necessary. FDIC.

» left by Anonymous

5 years 76 days ago.

I needed this - I have two teens at home.

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» left by John M.

from NYC 5 years 59 days ago.

I am not sure sure I could deliver these combacks without laughing. It would have some shock value, that's for sure.

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