Raising a Full-Figured Child
Posted: Friday, February 01, 2008
by Mary Fagan
Motherwise
“Mom, can you drop off a few things at the Salvation Army for me?" asked my daughter not long after Christmas. “When I put my new stuff away, I cleaned out clothes I don’t wear anymore."
It sounded like a reasonable and venerable act. That was before I carried the three HUGE plastic garbage bags to my car. Whenever my kids make me break a sweat, it’s time to investigate further.
Holy lift and seperate! Who wears 32 bras? In my day, your bras weren’t color coordinated with your outfit - that‘s what beige is all about. (But that was back when you died of embarrassment if your bra straps showed. Now it’s a fashion statement.) And who needs enough underwear to outfit the entire audience at a Hannah Montana concert? My daughter.
I held my tongue and went to the shirt and pants sections. Oh, they were clean and neat alright. They would have made the army platoon they were intended for look very nice.
My shock was at two levels. First, the sheer number of things and second, the amount of money it must have cost. And trust me, I didn’t pay for the vast majority of her trappings.
We outfit our kids very frugally. The kids each get a “back to school" pants and two tops, set of underwear, shoes and sneakers in September, a pair of pants and couple of tops for their birthday and the same at Christmas. Shoes or sneakers are replaced as needed, but there is a catch. I pay the first $35 dollars and they pay the rest if they choose to get a more expensive pair. And of course, they ask for clothing from their grandparents for Christmas and birthdays to supplement what provisions we issue. They are always neat and clean. And apparently, willing enough to work to bow to peer pressure.
Each child does some household chores weekly for a less than two digit allowance. My husband makes them bank half, so they end up with a few dollars in the end. That exercise was supposed to teach them to save.
Because we don’t provide for everything the kids desire, each of them found jobs early on. Between babysitting, collecting cans, mowing lawns, waitressing and working at fast food places, they have their own money and bank accounts. We hoped they both had a working balance.
Of course, the kids think we are cruel. I was beginning to think our work to get the kids to save had failed. Looking up from what seemed like the complete summer inventory at the Gap, I asked, “Do you have any money left from all your work after buying all these clothes?"
“Mom! I can’ believe you," she said indignantly. “What do you think I am, stupid?" Deciding to hesitate before answering, I said, “Well, um, there are a lot of things here."
Knowing my bottom line very well, she pulled her bank book from underneath bra #27, a nice green flowered model, and opened it up. I gasped!
My mind raced as any parent’s would when finding out their 20-year-old daughter had a five figure savings account balance. Pushing aside my initial feelings of jealousy, I asked how she had so much money and so much stuff.
Turns out she has been dutifully saving for years and limits her spending to 25% of her earnings. She purchases clothing from discount stores only, revealing that she did pay at least some attention to me at some point. Even while enrolled in college full-time, she works proctoring, tutoring and refereeing volleyball games for spending money. (She‘s an accounting major. Figures.)
After checking the long deposit history, I breathed a sigh of relief. Not only did she procure her funds legally, she actually learned how to save. (And to shop at discount stores.) The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree after all.
I congratulated her on her savings and decided not to comment about how much more it could have been if she hadn‘t been single-handedly keeping Victoria‘s Secret in the black.
On my way downstairs, I realized that not only does my daughter have 32 bras, she has my respect. She earned it.
I did stop in my room to tidy up my basic black and oh, yeah. I was wearing the beige.
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Top-level comments on this article: (8 total)hi mary, that was a delightful story. well written, funny, and it had a good point. thanks for sharing, best wishes, sueDear Sue - I am glad that you enjoyed this and always appreciate your enthusiastic remarks. Best wishes to you too! ~ Mary
Hi Mary, I love this story! My daughter used to work for Victoria Secret -paycheck? What's that? Thanks for the smile! Blessings to you, TeresaHi back Teresa. Oh boy, your daughter worked at Victoria's Secret. I wonder how many underthings she just couldn't resist. You are certainly welcome for the smile and God bless you too. ~ Mary
Mary, may I send my 18 and 14 year olds to you? Great article!Heck no! I would feel terrible depriving you of the joys of motherhood, especially the special teenage years. Enjoy!
Great article, as usual, Mary. I always enjoy your writings. I live vicariously through quite a few of you Mom's.Thanks for your kind words, Avis. I enjoy your articles too.
Mary, Great article! I've joined your fan club.Right back at you, Barbara! Thank you.
What a delightful article!! I thought is was going to be about raising an overweight child from the title. It is so gratifying to see our "children" mature and show that they have actually learned and are emulating things we hold dear. As a grandmother, it is so interesting to see my adult children interacting with their children. I am usually quite pleased with their parenting techniques. Good job, Mary!
Wow great story...not only does it take a great parent to bring up a child to show them the value of things, but also the initiate of the child to achieve things for themself. Well one nice thing is that you can now go shopping with your daughter to see where she gets these great bargains and maybe soon your own closet will have some colourful additions.
Mary, what this story tells me is that you did good!!! Your and your hubby lead her down the right path. And its neat she has that many undergarments, it is for sure she can afford it, especially Victoria Secrets, I have shopped in there for my wife, and omg they are expensive.....!!! But she sounds pretty smart to me, and I think you should be proud. A great story, and some of the humor had me laughing!!! Great job......Your pal, and fan, and friend in pen......Gary.
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